I know you. You sit in front of a computer all day. You "work", that is, you spend a lot of time pretending like you are doing something useful, while you really aren't doing jack squat. Then you go home and "relax" in front of a television. You need to relax? You hardly even move. Your brain does backflips, like a whipped monkey on crank all day long, and you just suck wind and get greasy and old. Soon you'll die. It's a sad tale, one you live every day. And it just gets worse;

You are tearing this fine country apart. The world is collapsing as we give in to passive lifestyles, passive thrills. We couldn't wrestle our way out of a den full of bear cubs. We only know a handful of ways to kill someone with ordinary utensils. We are pathetic excuses for warriors, our position at the top of the food chain balances precariously on the unstable base of technology and community. When they cut the lights, it's all over. Our protectors, the young and the strong, have become mushy and bleached like the foodstuffs they eat. And as our soldiers grow weak, our oppressors grow stronger. Every day that passes- while you and your disgusting offspring slowly liquify from the brain on down- we get closer to complete subordination. It's a trap. Here we are at the pinnacle of evolution and most of our most promising youth can hardly do a one-armed pushup. How will they mate and raise strong children? How will they manufacture weapons of defense from iron ore? Who will represent us in the coming clone wars?

I realize these revelations may drive you to panic, but I assure you: It's not too late. I know two men- men of iron will, men of unbreakable bodies- who can lead you on the path to domination of your surroundings. These men control their destiny, fiery bitch walrus she is, and blaze a crimson swath through the flatulent corpse of mankind's sloth. Listen to their words, profit from their exercises. Together we shall triumph.

Currently all we have posted are a few survival guides Sergio and the Sarge did to help contestants survive some type of televised death match. More advanced techniqes and tips coming soon. Watch the Northern sky.

-Chuck Verbatim